In birth Laura left my body. In death she returned to me and I held on to her tightly.
The other day I told my younger son that he needed to work through his feelings about her death and he told me that he had, shortly after her death. He had accepted her death. I hadn’t. I had tried so many times to let her go, but I couldn’t.
On the last week of June we went camping, due to return on Sunday. Instead we delayed our return to Cape Town at the suggestion of my partner, for Laura’s birthday on 1 July. Dates mean a lot to me. Nobody knows what happens after death but I have always felt a bit guilty for hanging on to her. It was not fair to her, or to me.
It was time. In the afternoon we went for a long walk to Earth house and after taking many photographs, we left her there, to spend the night at a beautiful, unusual home which she would have loved, surrounded by nature.
Early the following morning we went for a walk and I could feel her around us, happy, in the light she so desperately searched for when she was alive, and I could feel her serenity. She had joined the universe, a flash of energy, unrestricted by life, and death. She was free…
And I felt lighter.
I finally accept that she is dead.
Laura Vanessa Nunes 